So Far Away
by karensmith
Summary: Lucky, Sam, Jason, Liz and their friends & family all deal with the consequences of their current situation. Old relationships are tested and broken, familes are tested, new friends and relationships are made.Possible LuSam.
1. Chapter 1: Jason

_**So Far Away**_

Note: A few lines of dialogue are from Friday Oct 13.2006)

* * *

_**Part #1 - Jason.**_

"There's no reason to be fighting about this right now," Jason said in disbelief looking back and forth between the woman he loved more than anyone and the woman who is possibly carrying his child. How in the world did I get myself into this mess?

Sam's hurt and angry words snap him quickly from his in denial thoughts.

"No. Right. Of course there isn't. Because she's right and I'm wrong, now that she's carrying your child. Congratulations. "She spit out.

"Sam.. Please" I stuttered out.

"Jason don't, I'm done." Sam said clearly and directly to him. Those 2 words sliced through him and made it hard to breathe. What did that mean? Before he could ask and before he could process what she was saying she turned to Liz.

"You need to tell Lucky," Sam said directly to her.

"What? No, Lucky's in rehab and this is not something to be laid on him right now. We don't even know who the baby's father is there's no point.."

"No point in what? Letting Lucky in on the truth? Letting Lucky know you slept with Jason and could be carrying his child? You think Lucky has no right to know the child he thinks is his, probably isn't? Listen Liz, Lucky needs to hear this from you before he finds out from someone else." Sam reasonably said.

"Lucky won't find out,"

"Right, because you are keeping the fact you cheated and slept with Jason such a secret? Because you have such remorse you won't tell a sole? Give me a break, who needs the Port Charles Herald when you're around?"

"That is not fair," I tried to speak up but Sam seemed to not want to address me or_ us_, instead choosing to focus on Lucky.

"Fair? Fair? You want to talk about fair? Lucky's in a rehab facility blaming himself for everything wrong in their marriage. Taking responsibility for everything that went wrong in their marriage while she sits here with her high and mighty act telling me that you too did nothing wrong?" Sam calmly ranted. She was angry but she was in control all at the same time. That scared me. Instead of coming towards Liz and she did the opposite.

She started to walk away and up the stairs of the docks when she reached the rail she slowly turned around to look down on us.

"You tell him, or I will. Simple as that and again, Congrats." And with that she was gone. Leaving me there in a state of disbelief. Becoming a father is something I was hoping for, for a long time. Sam and I were so ready and now here I was taking a paternity test to see if Liz who's married to a cop is pregnant with my baby.


	2. Chapter 2: Sam

_**So Far Away**_

_**Sam.**_

Winter was coming, couldn't deny that. I could feel it so much colder out in the open sea.

I wanted to escape, I want to not see him or her or have my eyes focus on her visible baby bump. I don't want to feel that pain of regret, longing and what if's.

I wanted to feel nothing, so I just jumped in my boat and took it out as far as I could go.

Which wasn't that far since I didn't put gas. I dropped anchor a few miles out, the entire sea on one side and on the other the faint cityscape of Port Charles twinkling on the other.

With my hands gripping the cold rail looking out into the dark water reflecting the starry sky I just kept repeating the words I uttered to Jason in my head.

"I'm done."

"I'm done."

"I'm done." I said, so softly to myself.

Did I mean it? It had just come out. I was just angry and Liz being pregnant and telling me she and Jason did nothing wrong made my rope break. I had just had so much drama in my life and have been so disappointed that there just comes a time that you just have to stop. The last thing I wanted was to end up like Carly, losing my entire existence and mind over a man and having to be institutionalized. I always laughed at those triangles on cheesy TV shows where the 2 guys ask the girl to choose and she says "I choose me."

But you know what, that's exactly how I feel and what I need to do. I need to choose me, I need to find me and just be me. Not me chasing after Jason, not me being a vindictive mean awful woman who set out to destroy her mother. Not me as the mobster's girlfriend, just me. Here I am, my mother of a few weeks could die of Cancer, I just found out I'm a Cassadine of all things and I haven't even processed that. I've been too busy fighting and uphill battle for something that Jason was so quick to let go of.

Out here in the middle of the sea, cold air blasting in my face and feeling like I'm the only person in the world has rejuvenated my spirit. It's giving me a feeling of strength and freedom. Whether these new feelings will still be here when I step foot on that dock in Port Charles again remains to be seen but for right now I am a new person. So I ask again,

"Did I mean it?"

Yes. Yes, I did.

I'm done chasing after a man who dumped me a few seconds after waking up from a gun shot wound causing coma. When he was sick, I fought for him, I fought for us. Did I get the same concern back? No, I got dumped the second my eyes opened. I won't beg, I won't settle, I won't call, and I won't visit.

I am not a coward, I won't run away but I will let go and it's time to do that.

It's also time that I own up to my messes with Ric, it's time I take responsibility for my actions like Lucky is doing.

It's time I talked to my mother.


	3. Chapter 3: Alexis

_**Alexis.**_

This day has gone from bad to worse, having Luke chasing after me in the Metro Court yelling out "Natasha, Natasha" was how I started my morning. I wanted some peace, some quiet and a really nice breakfast but with Spencer around that wasn't likely to happen at all.

I stopped of course because he's Luke and I'm by all accounts his Natasha. I never correct him to call me Alexis, because well I know he wouldn't listen but also it gives some odd sense of comfort.

A reminder, than **I am Natasha Cassadine.**

And right now, Ric Lansing is about to meet her for the first time. He knows Alexis Davis, he's never met Natasha. The Cassadine, the cold-calculating woman that could murder Helena if she wanted to. If Ric thinks his brother is all dark and mean, he's not seen anything yet.

As I reach my home and drop on my couch, resting my weary head in my hands. I can't help but feel sick looking around. Knowing what transpired here in this room between my husband and my daughter.

Cheat on me once, fool on me. Cheat on me twice, fool on you. I will not roll over this time, not when he found the one weakness I had. My daughter and used her in a disgusting way against me in my own freaking house. I am under no duress to forgive him, I'm done. He'll be done.

Sam's my child and we are family. I will have to forgive her, but Ric? I owe him nothing.

When I look up I notice an envelope sitting on my desk, with my name nicely scrawled on the front. I can tell it's my daughter's hand-writing from afar. I hesitate on opening it; I hesitate on wanting to hear anything from her. But she's my child and I can't resist.

_Alexis,_

_I know I'm the last person you want to see or hear from. I know that I have ruined our family and your trust in me forever. I just, I just had to say that I am sorry. I was angry; I was hurt at you, at Jason, at my life. I lashed out wanting to hurt you and him in one swoop and Ric was there to help me accomplish that._

_I was self-destructing and I wanted everyone to self destruct and feel the same pain around me and it was hurtful and cruel and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I just want you to know, I'll never forgive myself. For what I've done to you, to your marriage and to my sisters and even myself._

_I know this is late coming, but you were right. About Jason, about my mob life, about it all, you were right. It took me hitting rock bottom to realize that. I am going to put my life back together. A stronger and independent woman who believes in herself and someone that may be one day, you could be proud of and may be forgive me. That's all I've ever wanted._

_A family's love._

_Sam._


	4. Chapter 4: Jason

**Jason.**

I needed to make her understand. I needed to get her to listen to me. I was threading on thing ice and I knew I could lose if, if I hadn't already. But I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge that yet. The pain of that acknowledgment would be too much to bare, worse than any gun shot I had endured in my life, or explosion, or plane crash.

"We need to talk." I said as I grabbed her arm as I had caught up to her as she walked on the docks.

"No, Jason there is nothing I have to say to you." Sam snapped, "and if you really want to do talk, you can just go find little Lizzie I'm sure she'll listen to what ever you have to say with baited breath. I am done." She exclaimed as she emphasized the 'done'. That tone and emphasis made my heart drop.

"No. We need to go. Let's go do this in private"

"What's the matter with you? Did you not understand me when I said I was done?"

"Sam, please" I was begging her, Jason Morgan the renowned number one hitman mobster of the world was literally begging.

"Were you going to tell me?" She asked in a childlike tone.

"What?" Not grasping what she was asking..

"If I hadn't found out by other means, were you going to tell me you were having a baby with Elizabeth? Or were the two of you just going to continue to lie to everyone you claim to love?"

"Elizabeth, she wanted me to not say anything"

"Ah, so you were going to let Lucky blindly raise your child and you were going to let him think that kid was his. You were going to let my cousin Nikolas think that kid was his nephew, you were going to let your sister Emily, Nikolas's friggin wife not know that kid was her nephew. You were going to live a lie with me, the all honest and truth police Jason Morgan was going to live a lie."

I had lost my fight of what I wanted to say, how did I try to get myself out of this? I was willing to do the exact same thing I had always looked down and yelled at Carly for. As I looked at her dark hair and the anger in her eyes, I realized there was nothing I could really do to take away the pain she felt or the anger at losing my trust.

"I'm sorry" I whispered in the most heartfelt way I could. It was all I had to offer her.

Her head slowly lifted up and as she looked at me eye-to-eye, I noticed the change in them.

The way she looked at me wasn't with love and devotion.

No safety or concern.

Void and disappointment is what occupied them. Disappoint in me and void of the future and the love that used to be there.

She looked at me and my heart broke at what I knew was coming. She opened her mouth to speak and while looking at me straight in the eyes she said "It's not enough."

With that she turned, walked up the stairs and again she was gone.


	5. Chapter 5: Lucky

**Lucky.**

7 days.

43 tiles. 3 books. 8 soap operas and 2 trays of really bad jell-o and 0 visitors.

I've been here in this room for 7 days and I don't feel any stronger, if anything I feel more weak. In our group therapy session they tell us we need to communicate our thoughts and feelings with words so we don't need to feel like we have to turn to pills to mask our pain. Bull crap.

If my father was here right now he'd be ranting to me about how I was weak. I was a Spencer, I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be fearless and stubborn. Not someone that needed to hide behind pills to be strong. I was the son of legend Luke Spencer, yet I had failed him in every possible way.

Wallowing in self-pity. Score another one for me. Luckily for me my wallowing was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Probably time for more jell-o or more therapy.

"I'm not hun-." I open the door expecting the candy striper.

"Sam?" I say in a bewildered surprise.

"Hi Lucky. I'm sorry I am bothering you I just wanted to see how you were doing"

"I'm better now that I an see a friendly face, come in, come in I thought you were my favorite candy striper coming to deliver me more tasty jell-o." Still in a state of shock of my first visitor. Not my father, my brother, my sister, my aunt, cousins, co-workers, or soon to be ex-wife. But my first visitor is Jason Morgan's girlfriend.

She looked at me and my heart broke at what I saw in her eyes. She looked broken and sad. She opened her mouth to speak and seemed to struggle for words.

"I'm sorry. I am just having some problems now. I don't mean to bother you with them. I just wanted to see how your rehab was going and it looks great. You look great." She stuttered out.

"Thank you, and it's okay. With all the therapy I've been getting around here if you want to talk I'm here and have no where to go so you can talk to me."

"No, thank you. I didn't come here to burden you with my problems. Just to be a friend. I know you have all your family and all. But I just wanted to make sure you're doing good. I should probably get going to"

I laugh at her words and she gives me this sly look like she's not getting the joke. As she makes her way towards the door, I have the need to reassure her somehow that her problems would get better. I grab her hand to stop her, and hold onto it for a second longer than I should have not wanting to lose the contact of the first person to want to see me and actually care.

"You can come to me anytime you want to talk, my door is always open and it's not like I can leave. And family seems to be overrated, you have been the only visitor I've had since being here." I whisper sincerely to her, with a catch in my throat trying to pretend it doesn't bother when it does.

"I'm sorry. I thought.." she trails off..

"I know, me too."

"Well I'll come back and may be bring some Kelly's, so I can save you from the jell-o brigade." She laughs and for the first time since she's been here has a little sparkle in her eyes.

"Thank you, drive safe Sam."

"Bye Lucky"

And with that my first visitor and probably one I was never expecting left my room. But after her visit I sat not wallowing, but anticipating her return.


	6. Chapter 6: Jason

"Jason, Jason? Jason I know you are in there, open the damn door" Carly screamed. Watching Milo wince at her screaming.

Jason sitting inside nesting a bottle of scotch knowing very well he couldn't get drunk silently walked over to his front door and just stood back. Knowing full well she'd just barge in anyways.

"You want to explain to me why Alexis just gleefully announced that Sam broke up with you?" She yelled while storming her way in past him.

"I don't want to talk about it Carly."

"Jason, I'm your best friend. What did she do, I swear after what she did with Ric she has the nerve to break up with you? Over what?"

"Carly STOP!" Jason yelled at her pinching the bridge of his nose trying to shut her out of his throbbing head while was just swimming over and over with Sam's disappointing words, with Liz's news the baby was his, with just the overall disappointment and hurt in his heart that he'd lost a woman he thought he'd spend forever with.

"Stop Carly, stop trying to defend me to me., it's not Sam. It was me. It's my fault."

"You? Come on Jason, what could you have done, that could possibly be worse than her doing her step-daddy."

"Elizabeth is pregnant." He blurted out.

"I know, Lucky's in rehab, she's got the bun in the over, what does my cousin's ba…..Oh no." Was all she had to say and look into Jason's eyes and she had instantly put all the pieces together.

"That baby isn't Lucky's, is it Jason?"

"No. It's mine."

"Are you sure? Seriously Jason, that slut has been trying to trap you for years and you are not this stupid."

"We took a test Carly, it's mine."

"And DNA tests are never tampered with? Look who you're talking to, Jason."

"Carly, it's mine. Okay, nobody but me and Liz knew about the test" he attempted to explain to her.

"Right, right Jason and miss high and mighty Nurse Lizzie Webber would have no reason at all to make this baby yours instead of Lucky's. My GOD Jason, Lucky's in rehab trying to get his life back together for this baby for this family he thinks he has waiting for him. All while she's really pregnant with the golden ticket? The link to you she's been dying for, for years. I cannot believe you Jason, how dumb could you be? I warned you, I have warned you about her for years but did you listen? Did you? You jump into bed with her and now you've lost Sam and Lucky's going to be destroyed. All for freaking what? Liz Webber?"

For once Jason had nothing to say to her rantings, she was right. She called this one years ago. There wasn't anything he could do to fix this, he couldn't shoot someone, or sneak in, be the hero to swoop in and save someone. He made this mess all on his own and for once he needed the saving, he needed someone to swoop in and help him stay alive because right now he was drowning and he didn't know how to pull himself up.


End file.
